What would you most like to say to parents?
Dear Parent, what I'd really like to say is…
Nobody is perfect.
Nobody.
Even Ghandi, Mandela and Florence Nightingale did the wrong thing sometimes. I am prepared to bet good money that they all misbehaved at school at some point, and that they all did things when they were young that their adult selves regretted and were ashamed of.
I know I did.
And I bet you did.
And so will your child.
So please
What would you most like to say to parents?
Dear Parent, what I'd really like to say is…
Nobody is perfect.
Nobody.
Even Ghandi, Mandela and Florence Nightingale did the wrong thing sometimes. I am prepared to bet good money that they all misbehaved at school at some point, and that they all did things when they were young that their adult selves regretted and were ashamed of.
I know I did.
And I bet you did.
And so will your child.
So please
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Superb post.
As a teacher I wish I could sometimes speak some home truths. As a parent of one of those children who often prompted the type of comment identified – I ALWAYS tried to see the big picture and support the school.
However I have had reason to take issue with the teacher who called me to tell me my daughter had sworn at her and left the room, but was unable to tell me if she was 1. still in the school (she had the tendency to go walkabout when really angry) or 2.safe. Obviously I wanted to make sure my daughter understood the reasons that she should not do these things – the impact her words had on others and why an apology /sanction was needed as well – but only once I knew she was safe!! (she’s SEN and can get quite angry sometimes when she’s frustrated) I don’t think this teacher had read her SEN entry at all. She seemed quite surprised when I asked her if she knew where my girl was – and if she was safe. ‘But she told me to F off’ not the most professional bleat I’d ever heard – if I had not been a teacher myself that teacher may well have faced a complaint for that ill considered phone call.
I’d agree with the article – definitely – but I’d also caution colleagues that sometimes a slightly longer perspective enriching breath has to be taken before you talk to parents. Consider the outcome that you want and work positively to ensure it happens – or at leas begins to. And make sure you have all the information possible before you make a judgement on you course of action.
I think the point of the original post was that we, as teachers, expect to be treated with respect when we have something negative to say. You have turned it into a debate on a technicality of safeguarding, which I think all teachers will attempt to do to their best ability. I’m sorry, but I think there is always something you can fire back at the teacher to make them feel that the fault is theirs when, in fact, the most useful and beneficial response is not to look for these technicalities (which are always there if you have to resort to them), but to say “my child is at fault, because he/she is a child, so I am keen to do anything I can to support you in putting this right”.
You have brought the child’s status as an SEN into the argument and assumed the staff member had not read the records. Are you not clutching at straws here? SEN kid behaves badly = someone has not done their job properly. I disagree with this logic, unless you are equally willing to accept the equation SEN kid behaves badly at home = bad parent. I’m sure you disagree with the latter…
I think my post has been misinterpreted – OF COURSE I didn’t think that the teacher had not done their job properly – or that my child could not be to blame – I merely wanted to caution colleagues reading this post to remember to take a breath and think carefully about the outcome they want before they speak to any parents.
I agree wholeheartedly with the OP – it would be lovely if we could tell parents the truth about their children and if parents were willing to listen with the same level of maturity them everyone could win. When it comes down to the bitter end I know I did my best – and I know that her teachers did too – BUT that particular teacher on that particular day wasn’t in possession of the full facts at the time she picked up the phone, guidance from a more experienced colleague and a quick look at the records for my daughter would have really helped. I suspect she felt as rotten about the conversation as I did.
I didn’t say she was a bad teacher, in fact I was really careful not to because I didn’t think it at the time and I don’t now. I don’t know what kind of day she had been having or what else she had on her plate- I just said she made a bad decision and attempted to use the experience to caution others against making the same error by taking a moment to think.
Nor did I attempt to hijack an excellent post about the kind of dialogue with parents that I’d love the professional freedom to have. I was simply drawing on experience for an example. As a parent who has sat and listened to this type of comment plenty of times, delivered eloquently, brutally directly and clumsily at various times over the last 13 years; having done my utmost to support both the staff concerned AND my daughter – I felt informed enough to add something to the discussion.
My apologies if you misconstrued my posting and found it to be offensive.
Happy new year.
Excellent, just sums it up for me!